There was widespread shock and confusion across the tech industry today, as a hot tech startup discovered that the Magic Scaling Database they selected six months ago does not scale magically.
“We chose Magic Scaling Database for its high benchmarks on magically solving vague hypothetical scaling problems, and its outstanding data inconsistency,” DragonPuff CTO Manny McMan told Fuuu.Dev.
“We’ve been surprised to find that after several months of solid performance while we had a hundred rows of data and five requests per minute, Magic Scaling Database just couldn’t keep up with our astronomical growth and erratic, unplanned data access patterns.”
The Magic Scaling Database achieves mediocre performance and consistent inconsistency out of the box by utilising a DIYSEP (Do It Yourself / Someone Else’s Problem) data-management paradigm.
DragonPuff raised sixty billion dollars in a Series Z seed round last month, at a valuation of five thousand trillion dollars based on annual profits of minus two hundred million dollars.
Investors are bullish that DragonPuff will still be able to disrupt the iguana vaping industry that plays a fundamental role in modern society.
McMan said that the DragonPuff engineering team are now considering other options, such as Magic Sorting Hat, a Sorting-As-A-Service product that automatically sorts out your company’s financial situation.