Phil Void
There were thrilling scenes today as brave new startup Just Consume invented the idea of taking a break at lunch. The groundbreaking concept looks set to disrupt the incumbents in patronising employees and micro-managing as much of their existence as possible.
The company launched their Power Hour concept at a general meeting earlier today. Employees had pointed out that being in back-to-back video calls and soul-depleting meetings all day was detrimental to their wellbeing and will to live. Executives responded by introducing the Power Hour.
The Power Hour is designed for employees to have guilt-free time away from pointless meetings, passive-aggressive coworkers and sociopathic management. In a stroke of breath-taking genius, the company even hinted that employees might be able to talk to their families, visit somewhere called “outside”, or allow their mind to wander away from work topics for up to fifteen seconds (within a designated thought perimeter).
Throughout human history, no-one had ever heard of the possibility of a lunch break, until Just Consume boldly innovated it into the world.
“Now we’re able to disrupt how our employees get sustenance as well as disrupt their sleep patterns, we couldn’t be happier,” said Pat Mabeli, Chief Calorie Orificer at Just Consume.
The company is now looking at how powdered meal replacements and amino acid drips could be used to allow employees to continue working through their designated Power Hour to maximise productivity. The experimental program is code-named Power Through.
