A high-level manager has survived another harrowing day at work with a nourishing word-salad of meaningless productivity terms. Things were looking grim earlier this morning for the Head of Tail Optimisation at top productivity start-up ProductPhasia, when it appeared that some real work might actually be unavoidable this time.
Luckily, the high-performance manager was able to fall back on a rich vocabulary of work-deflecting productivity jargon.
“Let’s circle back on that one to make sure stake-holders are across it and get all our ducks in a row to incentivize a deep dive alignment, moving the needle on our deliverable pain points,” the manager said.
“I’ll touch base and drill down on my bottom line to reach out to my core competency by end of play today, which will be a best practice agile ceremony.”
“We can optimize the optics on this one, managing expectations to maximize impact on our ballparks and leverage a quick win pivot with my low-hanging fruit. Why don’t we jump on a call to upskill the synergy of our data-driven customer journeys? Can you ping the vertical to level up their bandwidth for the sprint and make sure there’s enough BAU on your plate for your KPIs and OKRs?”
“We have scalable prior art to take it offline before a pre-mortem post-retro sprint-stumbling broken ankle agilescrumbanfall user story point estimation technical debt payday loan reconsolidation and antidisestablishmentarianist filibuster bike-shedding session.”