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Team Member Is Not on Mute, Just Not Interested in Meeting

Wednesday, Mar 18, 2020
Phil Void Phil Void

A common situation in today’s working world was finally explained this week when it was revealed that the non-responsive team member in your meeting is not on mute, they’re just not interested in your interminable meeting.

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Employees at exciting tech startup FaceTheScreen made the discovery by chance during a routine meeting, when a manager was droning on about unimportant topics in a lengthy soliloquy. The orator posed a perfunctory question to the team to confirm they were “still engaged”, but one team member failed to respond as prompted.

The usual magic incantations were attempted: “Are you there? We can’t hear you. I think you’re on mute.”

When the sound of the team member’s blissful snoring began to fill the airwaves, it was discovered that they were not in fact on mute, just thoroughly uninterested in the irrelevant monologue that had been taking place for the last twenty five minutes.

In another incident, the sound of tears of boredom pattering on the microphone again confirmed that a team member was not on mute, but simply defeated by the torturous insignificance of yet another pointless meeting.

The team at FaceTheScreen are now developing technology to detect the sound of paint drying over the microphone, to automatically confirm when the hostages in a meeting might not be giving their captor the full adulation they deserve.